So who are you following?

Not growing up with a father or an active role model in my life, kind of left me with a hole in my being for a male presents in my life. Not to say that my mother did not do a great job in raising me, but there was one thing as a woman she could not do for me, that having man in my life would provide me with a better sense of what to do with the masculine feelings I was having. So, now as a father, I see that same yearning in my son. To want to be around me all the time to want to do what I do, eat what I eat, read what I read. From time to time I catch him watching me and then asking me what I am doing. I have to say it is a good feeling to have your child so engaged in what you are doing. But often I find myself wondering, “What do I teach him that will help him in the future?”  It’s funny, I am not into sports, so going out to play catch or shoot hoops is not the first thing I think of doing with him. I do love technology and video games and just learning about stuff in general. Eating cereal out of the box and from time to time running around in our underwear is funny. Which my son has picked up and likes to do as well. But is that it? Is all I have to do is drag my kids around me wherever I go and they will figure it out or is there some guideline or breadcrumbs that I should layout for them so the go where I want them to end up.

I tell you this fatherhood thing is so complicated. Every day is a challenge for me as a father. I constantly think about how I interact with my children.

Did I do that right?

Did I say the right thing to them?

Was I too hard on them?

It would be wonderful to have a father figure that I could turn to for advice, to pick their brains on different types and get their perspective on how they have or would handle a situation that I was going through. As I look back on the 6 years I have been an active father, I can tell you that it has been the longest and greatest thing I have ever done with my life. To know that I am the core influence in my children’s life is overwhelming and fulfilling. That even though I did not have my father there for me that I somehow have the ability to show my children right from wrong.

Those are the questions that may have been answered had I had a male figure in my life that would drill into me over time the answers to questions I have not asked yet. So, I say to those who have an active father in your life, I urge you to go give them a huge and say thank you for being there. Ask them anything and everything about the life you wish to lead. And to those like me, who stand alone with no one to turn to, I say get out your chair and find someone who is willing to answer your questions on life love and children. Because you know as well as I do that there is always something to learn and someone to teach it to.